顯示你們關係健康的十個徵兆

10 Signs That You're In a Healthy Relationship

 Are you still good for each other?

你們彼此關係仍美好嗎?

Post published by Abigail Brenner M.D. on Mar 30, 2015 in In Flux

Source: wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock

A goal in life for many of us is to be in happy and healthy relationship but most of us can also agree that accomplishing that is easier said than done. The media constantly feeds us the notion that romance and sex are the key components to a relationship—at least initially, we're led to believe, being attractive, being attracted to, being desired, and being pursued are a huge part of the dating game.

對於我們許多人來說人生目標就是快樂和健康的關係，但我們大多數人也同意，完成這是說比做容易。媒體不斷地餵養我們一些觀念，即浪漫和性愛是組成關係的關鍵，至少在最初階段，我們被引導認為，有吸引力的，可被吸引到的，被需要，和被追求是約會中巨大的一部分。

This makes some sense: Humans are instinctive creatures at our core, and although our mating practices are not as instinctively driven as those of other creatures, there's still there’s a lot that goes into choosing our mates that is simply, well, natural. Yes, we may be fundamentally logical and practical in our choices, but there’s something in our makeup that strives for the kind of genes we want to pass along to the next generation.

這也有一定道理：在我們的核心裡，人類有動物的本能，，雖然我們伴侶做法不像那些其他的生物一樣本能地推動，也仍然有很多人選擇我們的伴侶也就是簡單，良好，自然。是的，我們可能會對我們的選擇從根本上合乎邏輯和現實，但仍有什麼是我們在爭取的那種基因，要傳遞到下一代。

Having said that, let’s turn to what really sustains a relationship over time, especially after the first blush of attraction has faded. Romance and sex are vital to any intimate relationship. But there’s no excuse to get lazy and just not bother being fully present as romance rolls into the routine of daily life.

說了這麼多，讓我們來談談真正維持一段時間的關係，特別是在吸引力乍看已消退時。愛情和性慾在任何親密關係是至關重要。但是，沒有任何藉口可偷懶，且全然的表現浪漫不會影響到日常生活的常規。

We all should know that there will be ups and downs, and ebbs and flows, within any relationship—made even more complex by our own personal ups and downs, and ebbs and flows. But being unhappy in any relationship, even if you love the person you’re with or have been together for a long time is a huge red flag. To avoid that, partners need to find ways to communicate so that their equilibrium is not disturbed on a long-term basis. (For example, one partner making constant adjustments at the expense of another throws off the balance of the relationship and may cause stress and dissatisfaction.)

大家都應該知道任何關係會有跌宕起伏，而起起落落，會由於我們自己個人的沉浮，以及起起落落會變得更加複雜。但不幸的是在任何關係，即使是你愛的人或已經在一起很長時間的人是一個危險信號。為了避免這種情況，合作夥伴需要找到的溝通方式，使它們的長期基礎平衡不被破壞。 （例如，一個夥伴持續的調整另一個恆定使得其釋放關係的平衡，可能導致應壓力和不滿。）

Let’s get to the heart of the matter: How do you know you’re in a strong and healthy relationship, or maybe better stated: How do you know you’re in a relationship that’s good for you? Considering these 10 factors can help you decide:

讓我們來事情的中心：你怎麼知道你處在一個強壯而健康的關係，或者更好的說道：你怎麼知道你在一個對你有益處的關係？考慮到10個這些因素，能幫助您決定：

1. You and your partner are on the same page in terms of your basic values and life goals. You both know what you want out of life, what your common goals are, what you wish to accomplish in life, and are firmly committed to achieving these together.
   
   你和你的伴侶在基本價值觀和人生目標相同面。你們都知道你們想要的生活，你的共同目標是，你想要實現什麼在生活中，並堅定地致力於共同實現這些。
   
   
2. There is a strong sense of trust between you. You openly discuss everything---the good, the bad, and the ugly. There is no hidden agenda and no secrets from your past.
   
   你們之間的信任感很強。你公開討論一切 - 好的，壞的和醜陋的。沒有不可告人的事項，也沒有過去的秘密。
   
   
3. You keep your own identity within the relationship and so does your partner. This is so vital. Marriage may be a large piece of the whole pie that identifies who you are. But above all, you’re still who you are as an individual beyond your various roles in life.
   
   你在你的關係終保持你自己的個體，你的伴侶也是。這是如此重要。婚姻可能占你個人識別派裡的一大塊。但首先，你個人是誰還是超越你的人生各種角色的部份。
   
   
4. You spend quality time together doing things that are mutually fulfilling as well as quality time apart doing what is important to you individually.
   
   你們一起做事情度過美好時光，互相滿足，與你自己個別做什麼而有的珍貴時光一樣重要。
   
   
5. You encourage each other to grow and change. In other words, you inspire each other to be a better person.
   
   您鼓勵對方以成長和改變。換句話說，你激發對方成為一個更好的人。
   
   
6. You and your partner feel safe communicating personal needs and wants. Time is set aside to discuss issues relevant to you as a couple or each of you individually. Listening carefully with undivided attention is essential to real understanding. 
   
   你和你的伴侶互相溝通個人需求和慾望感到安全。預留時間討論當作為一對夫婦或各自獨處時的問題與一心一意認真傾聽是必不可少的真正理解。
   
   
7. You respect each other's differences even if you disagree on important issues. And you are able to turn your differences into fair compromise.
   
   你尊重彼此的差異，即使在重大問題上你不同意對方。你可以把你的差異轉變為公平的妥協。
   
   
8. You share realistic expectations for the relationship, not what you wish or fantasize it should be. Remember that you’re dealing with another extraordinarily complex individual in addition to yourself. There’s enough to work with without pursuing unrealistic ideals.
   
   你在關係中分享切合實際的期望，而不是你應該的希望或幻想。請記住，你正在處理的另一個除了你自己外非常複雜的個體。一起運作不追求不切實際的理想是足夠的。
   
   
9. Each of you contributes your fair share to the relationship, whatever that happens to be. Each partner brings their best strengths and abilities for the benefit of the “team."
   
   你們每個人在關係裡貢獻公平分享，不管這將成為甚麼。每個合作夥伴帶來了他們最好的優勢和能力為造福“團隊。”
   
   
10. You and your partner honor each other’s family ties and friendships. While it’s important to set aside time for family and friends it’s also important to maintain healthy boundaries between you and your partner as a unit apart from other close relationships.
    
    你和你的伴侶尊敬對方的家庭關係和友誼。預留家人和朋友的時間是很重要，除了從其他密切的關係保持你和你的伴侶的一體性健康的界限也是很重要的。
    

Caring, kindness, support, encouragement, and empathy are the watchwords of a good and loving relationship. There is simply no room for rudeness, meanness, jealousy, insulting, degrading, blaming, guilting, criticizing, judging, or physically acting out, especially when the object is one's partner. Those boundaries cannot be crossed.

愛心，善良，支持，鼓勵和同情是一個很好的愛的關係的口號。我們根本沒有無禮，卑鄙，嫉妒，侮辱，貶低，指責，內疚，批評，判斷，或肢體動作相向，尤其是當對象是另一個人的合作夥伴。不能越過這些界限。

Remember: When you decide to join your life with another person, it’s about embarking on a journey together, for years to come. You don’t give up who you are and neither does your partner. You each retain your individuality, joining the best of who you are for your common good, and if you so decide, for your family.

記住：當你決定他人參與你的生命，即是關於踏上一起的旅途，共度未來。你不放棄你是誰，你的伴侶亦是。您們各保留自己的個性，加入成為你最好的部份以共享利益，如果你為您的家庭作出這樣的決定。